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Thanks to Faiqa for the inspiration.

So I just called to check on my inpatient status. Looks like I’m in.

I start Tuesday – yes, THIS Tuesday – report in at 8am. Which means I get to leave my house no later than 6am to make the drive.

“Bring 5 sets of clothing,” the admissions person said. Hmm. Wonder how I’m supposed to settle on just 5 t-shirts. Would it be in poor taste to wear my PSYCHO WARD shirt?

I can have my cell phone (thank GOD). Though when I mentioned texting, she said, “You won’t need to be doing any of that while you’re in treatment.” Um, speak for yourself, lady.

Apparently, I’m not allowed to bring the Matrix Therapist with me.

The kicker? It’s 28 days long.

Fuck. I’m about to be in a Sandra Bullock movie sequel.

Hold me.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I’ve been through a metric shitton of therapy, both individual and group, to varying degrees of success. Spent two years in an intensive outpatient program (IOP), in fact. Grief recovery and suicide prevention was the main focus. Most everyone in that group – and I saw people come and go over time as I became the senior member – probably suffered some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (amongst other maladies).

I recall my very first day of IOP. I’d had a nervous breakdown and couldn’t work. Showed up at the encouragement of my individual therapist.

There might have been 6 or 7 others there that first day. I had no idea what to expect. The first (of four) hours of each day was check-in time. Everyone in group spent 5 minutes “checking in,” telling the therapists what was going on. Because it was my first day, I got to check in last. Which seemed to be a mistake.

As each stranger reported in on their life, I heard stories that made me question what the fuck *I* was doing there.

Jesus, I don’t have any fucking problems compared to these people. What’s my deal?

Horror stories, some of them. If I weren’t so polite, I might have just sat there with my jaw hanging open, listening to it all.

Turns out, as I’d learn over time, there were more than a handful of distortions I was clinging to. Everyone’s problems are different, everyone’s life is different. Trying to compare your struggles to mine isn’t a fair comparison most of the time. Apples and oranges, etc. Or, as I tended to say, one person’s savior is another person’s pair of lead boots.

We had these sheets we’d fill out called Trauma Sheets, where we’d discuss traumatic events in our life and “process” these things with the group. The first time I told a story from my past, I was stunned. Mostly because my group members were stunned and more than one of them were left with their jaws hanging open.

“What?” I said. “That’s not normal?”

Come to find out lots of things from my childhood weren’t “normal.”

You can’t spend five days a week, four hours a day, with a small group of people and not make friends. Some of us hung out outside group, spending even more time together. Naturally, there were rules in IOP. We weren’t allowed to engage in any sexual activity with each other. Group members weren’t allowed to loan or borrow money. (The group represented most cross-sections of society…some of us were poor and relying on food banks, others were pretty damn well off.) These rules were meant to keep the group a safe place. There was already enough conflict and stuff to deal with – didn’t need to create more drama between us (though there was some of that, too, because not everyone followed the rules all the time).

Lots of group therapy stories, but I ramble enough already. Oddly, I left group and quickly lost track of most all those folks. Haven’t been in a group therapy situation since.

So when the Matrix Therapist suggested yesterday the notion of group therapy, I said that I didn’t have a problem with it. EXCEPT that the groups she was suggesting were at the main VA facility in Tampa. Being in Sebring, there’s only a small clinic here…most anything specialized requires a visit to the main hospital, about 2 hours away from me.

“Depending on how often these groups meet,” I said, “that could be a lot of traveling.” I mean, two hours there, one or two hours of group (I’m assuming), then two hours back home? That’s a full fucking day. And even once a week, that’d add up pretty fast to lots of gas money.

Which is what led the Matrix Therapist bring up something I’ve never experienced: INpatient treatment. Meaning: you stay in facility instead of staying at home.

Whoa.

But let’s face facts: whatever I’m doing now ain’t working. I’m stuck. Again. Stagnant, even, and I find that to be the equivalent of a 4-letter word. The meds aren’t doing their thing (so far). Being in-house would let them aggressively play with meds while I’m under their watch. Plus, there’d (presumably) be a lot of structure with the group situation.

What terrifies me about this (much as I can see the potential good in it) is that I’d be totally outside my comfort zone. The likelihood of there being unrestricted Internet access is slim to none. And most all of my friends are living inside my computer. Yikes. Sure, they’ll probably let me keep my iPhone, but I’ve been to that hospital and the signal inside (as is true for many hospitals) sucks ass.

I’d be not only hanging with strangers – and sharing lots of stories/events with them – but living with them, as well.

*ring ring*

Hello?

Hi, Karl, it’s me, Social Phobia.

I don’t know how long this inpatient thing typically lasts, but the MT said yesterday it could be as little as 3 or 4 days.

“No way,” I told her. “That’s not enough time to do shit with medication.” Hell, we’ve been playing this round of the Pharmaceutical Game for many months now. I’m no stranger to being a lab rat. Meds that mess with the brain take weeks/months to gain efficacy.

My educated guess for how long I’d stay is something along the lines of at least 2-3 weeks, if not more. Which, in Karl Time, is like 2-3 months of not sleeping in my own bed, not being able to get online any time I want to, not being able to stay up till 1 in the morning, not being able to walk around in my boxers all the time. The list goes on.

That’s a long time to be outside my comfort zone.

Nevertheless, I told the MT that I’m not averse to the options. So this morning I went back in and, after getting blood drawn for my diabetes, met with the Matrix Therapist again to fill out a qualifying questionnaire.

I should hear either today or maybe Monday from the VA about if I qualify and, subsequently, where I fall on the waiting list. Then I can ask questions like:

• How long is the average stay?
• What am I allowed to bring with me from home?
• What is the structure of the program? How many hours of the day are scheduled, and how much free time do we get?
• Is there wifi?
• What’s the bed time?
• Do I have to be roomies with anyone possessing that old-man smell? (What? This is the VA we’re talking about. I’m a young whippersnapper compared to most of these people.)
• How do we deal with things like my insulin and syringes?
• Is there live-tweeting allowed from group?

I don’t have answers to any of these yet, but hope to soon. If anything, as Sybil was keen to point out last night on the phone, I should get some decent blog posts out of it.

So there’s that.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Having watched a lot of B- and C-grade schlocky horror movies, there’s one theme that I find myself cringing at time and time again. It’s where someone is administered a dose of curare (or some other paralyzing agent), which renders them unable to move, yet totally aware and conscious of their surroundings. The killer then proceeds to bury the person alive or some other such nightmarish demise, all the while the person can’t do a fucking thing (including scream).

Cut to them, hours later, inside a coffin, punching and scratching away at the lid, screaming with no hope of being heard. I’ve had plenty of nightmares (and night terrors) that mirror this scenario.

Lately, I feel like that paralyzed dude, laying there, watching while someone who has it in for me digs my grave. I’ll be walking from, say, the kitchen to the living room or my bedroom…and I’ll

freeze

in the midst of walking. Suddenly, I don’t remember what I was about to do, why I was walking into Room X.

My breath catches, I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate, but I don’t. I just stand there, trying to remember to breathe like a normal person, on the verge of tears. The other day, I just dropped to the floor and sat there for about 10 minutes.

Paralyzed.

Don’t know what to do – most all of my normal “escape” routines are stripped from me. The things that I’d usually do to relieve anxiety and stress (TV, music, computer, books, magazines, iPhone) sit there in front of me, not appealing in the slightest. I zip through page after page of satellite guide listings, but nothing looks good to me. Page after page of apps/games on the iPhone, but nothing seems fun. Etc. etc. ad nauseum.

It’s officially May now, when I should be announcing my next big Resolution for the Year of Resolutions. Yet I don’t give a flying fuck, especially since the ones I’ve chosen thus far have all gone to shit.

Paralyzed. Must breathe.

I don’t think I have to strength to hit bottom (again). Course, at the moment I don’t feel I have the strength to get a single thing done. Consider it a miracle I went out to Office Depot and got Mom a new wireless mouse for her computer this morning. And I got it installed. It feels ridiculous that this is likely going to be all I accomplish today.

I feel pathetic. Every move seems futile, even if I’m just pointing the remote at the TV to pause it or turn the volume down.

Everything is stifling, oppressive. Every little task is this giant thing…making coffee, putting a sandwich together, making a phone call. I go to text someone, or (God forbid) call them and that’s futile, too. The loneliness weighs upon me, yet I don’t know what to say. I’m a broken record, everything coming out of my mouth is this repulsively sick depressive verbiage. Why impose that on my friends, just to drag them down with me?

I hate it. And the negative shit running through my brain, the suicidal ideation, hits hardest at times like these. (I’m safe, no worries about that shit.) I don’t deserve to be here – on this planet – I add nothing to the universe but misery. Sad, sorry little man.

Fucking paralyzed.

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One of my oldest blogging buds, James, and I have a lot of commonalities, particularly our battle with depression (and bipolar disorder). He wrote a post, listing some of the things he’s grateful for. Think I’ll follow suit because the Depression is rearing its ugly head yet again.

Feel like withdrawing from society, ignoring all social media, etc. etc. You’ve heard it all before. You’ll probably hear it again.

Sometimes you need to take stock of the good shit in your life in order to maintain some semblance of sanity.

• Despite the last week-and-a-half, I’m relatively healthy. I’m normally not hocking up half a lung. It’s a good year for me to quit smoking, since I still have my health. (And yes, that will certainly be one of the Resolutions for YOR.)
• I have good friends. I may not touch base with them nearly as much as I should, but I know that they’re there for me should I need them.
• I have a working computer. It’s ancient, it crawls along, but it works. And that’s saying something for a 4-yr-old laptop. I’m currently in the process of what will likely be a 17-hour defrag. I’m praying this is the year for the replacement to come along. (MacBook Pro, anyone?)
• My brain works. Yes, I fight depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder, ADD, social anxiety, and who knows what else. But compared to many who have it far worse? I’m thankful that my mental faculties are pretty much operating at full capacity. Usually.
• My car works pretty damn good, considering it’s 10 years old. I’m not a person who gets hung up on vehicles, since they’re a utilitarian kind of thing as far as I’m concerned. Get me where I need to go (and back) and I don’t really give a shit that there’s a swamp in the back seat or that rust is perhaps the only type of molecule holding the roof together. Well, that and the bubble gum.
• Rumor has it that Apple is developing an iPhone for Verizon. I hope it’s true. Another rumor holds that the 4th generation iPhone will be announced on June 22nd. My upgrade pricing became available in January, so I *could* get myself a 3GS, but why? When the next iPhone is due to be released in a matter of months, I’m not tying myself to a 2-year deal for LAST year’s model. I’ll be good and patient and wait. I’m praying that Apple announces not just the next AT&T iPhone in June, but the Verizon iPhone, as well. Cuz when they do? Hasta lasagna, AT&T.
• I have a place to live. That’s not to be taken for granted. I’m fortunate.
• Food. I have that, too, even if lately everything tastes like cardboard to me.
• Daughters. Despite the troubles I’ve caused in those relationships, I couldn’t be prouder of my girls. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: they are my crowning achievement.
• Family. Like most people, I have my share of dysfunctionality in my family. Hell, sometimes I feel like I’m the sane one. But I love my family, and I know that I’m lucky to have them.
• Health care. I’d be screwed if not for the V.A. Thank God I have them for my physical AND mental health. Otherwise I’d be broker than I already am.
• SillyBring is only three weeks away and then Shannon arrives!

There are many other items, I’m sure, but these are the things that spring to mind. I have a lot to be grateful for, even if my miserable curmudgeonly self doesn’t mention them as often as I should. Wish I could throw this one in there, though:

• I get laid three times a day.

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Got nothing done today. My brain sometimes acquiesces and let’s me sleep, but not for long. It’s not a manic thing, either. Not having the luxury of naps to escape…*sigh*

I wonder how long it’s going to take. For lots of things. Meds. Mood. Me. How long does it take to gain a grip?

I’m tired of having very little to get excited about. Tired of being tired.

I want to feel better. I want to BE better. I want to not feel so damn lonely. I want…what I can’t have.

And that’s not frustrating in the least.

Blogged via iPhone

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I’ve gained 7 pounds. Not sure why. I have been exercising. Isn’t that the point of moving, to LOSE weight? Or at least not gain any?

Sigh.

Waiting. I hate it. Yesterday, I waited with Mom at the doctor’s. Almost an hour. With weak Edge, at best.

Visit went well. Mom is now officially without both her leg brace and the thumb brace. We should hear from PT this week to schedule her therapy. You couldn’t pay me to be in that room when they start working her knee. I’m not ready to hear my Mom talk like Hilly.

Fucking cocksnuggling sonofaWHORE! Touch that knee again and I’ll rip off your head and shit down your neck, you festering pool of donkey piss!

Today, we went to Social Security to ask a few questions. They have a brilliant system. If you go into Social Security at, say, 15 years old…then, by the time you get to the window, you’re probably eligible for Medicare.

They also tell you to turn your cell phone off before entering. Whatever. Listen, I’m barely convinced that my cell phone is a threat on a plane 33,000 feet in the air. I’m certainly not shutting it off in the Social Security office. I did, however, mute it.

What? I’ve got to get my Moxie on.

Patience. I don’t have much of it. I quit asking God to give me patience, because it inevitably means He provides me a shitton of situations in which I HAVE to be patient. Screw that. I don’t have the patience to gain patience legitimately.

I don’t like waiting, especially when the ball is totally not in my court. I chomp at the bit, grasping at something to do while I sit around and do, well, nothing. Waiting on YOU. Ugh.

Waiting on friends. Waiting on doctors. Waiting on the assclown in front of me in the checkout line at the grocery store to pay with all coins. Waiting on my meds in the mail. Waiting on 2HT to be finished. Waiting on April to get here so I can see Shannon. Hate it all.

SecondHand Radio Returns

One thing I have been waiting for is SecondHand Radio to return. It’s been months since Mom broke her kneecap. I tried one show after that and it didn’t go over well. I needed a break while Mom healed from her break. Well, she’s walking around now – slowly, but steadily – without a splint, so that’s good.

Thursday at 10pm Eastern, 2HRadio comes back. My guest is the lovely Maria, aka Mommy Melee.

Please mark your calendars, tell your friends. We’re back. I’m returning to one show a week, though. Thursday nights. Twice a week was too much.

Live chatroom to play in while the show is on. You’re all welcome to call in and talk to Maria, say hi, ask questions, whatever. Go to the SecondHand Radio page and get all the info.

Looking forward to it. I’ve missed my show. Thankfully, the waiting for that is nearly over.

I haven’t lined up any other guests. If you know of someone you’d like to hear as a guest, let me know. Even if it’s you.

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I love music. I don’t know where I’d be without it, honestly. One thing the iPhone (iPod) does really well is music. I use Smart Playlists to sync songs all the time, love my iPod.

And there are some great music apps for the iPhone, too. Thought I’d share a handful of my favorites with you.

Moodagent – FREE

Moodagent is a really cool app I discovered not long ago, and best of all, it’s FREE. It profiles the music you have on your iPod and then lets you automagically create playlists based on your mood. Yes, your mood. You move five different sliders around. Based on the five sliders – Sensual, Tender, Joy, Aggressive, and Tempo – you figure out how you’re feeling, make the adjustments and then Moodagent does the rest.

The result is a playlist of 25 songs that all match your mood, like so.

You can also save and load playlists you’ve created with Moodagent. And if you’re not feeling the slider thing at the moment, you can click on the Search (magnifying glass) icon and hand-select any song on your iPod. Moodagent will then adjust the sliders accordingly for that song and create your playlist based on the song.

Very, very cool. Plus, it integrates with your iPod, so you can start a playlist, then exit Moodagent, and have your music still playing. (Unlike most music apps. At least, until Apple allows multitasking.)

Last.fm – FREE

Been using Last.fm for years now. It came before Pandora did. It’s a social music site. You sign up, create a profile, and it keeps track of your favorite music for you. That’s the basics. You can also use it like Pandora…enter an artist or song, and Last.fm will create a custom music station based on your selection.

Last.fm tracks all the songs you listen to. In fact, my favorite thing about Last.fm is what they call “scrobbling.” Thanks to a small download, every time I sync my iPhone through iTunes, Last.fm scrobbles all the songs I’ve played and uploads them to my account. It organizes everything…how often I’ve played each song, etc.

And my “neighbors” (friends) on Last.fm have access to my library, too. They can  listen to MY “station,” which is a great way to find great music. Another great way is to listen to your “recommended” music. Based on the music you’ve scrobbled so far, Last.fm finds recommended artists and puts them into a special station for you. Rocking service that I think everyone should be using.

Simplify Music 2 – $7.99

Simplify Music 2 is another great app. I got it for free a while back; now it’s $7.99, but it’s worth every penny.

Simply put, Simplify 2 lets you stream all the music in your iTunes to your iPod/iPhone. Now you don’t have to worry that you can’t fit all your music into that phone of yours…you have access to your entire music library. Provided you have iTunes up and running, of course. It forms a network connection between the Simplify app on your phone and the Simplify app on your computer.

Works fantastically.

Slacker Radio – FREE

Don’t get me wrong, I love Pandora, but rarely use it these days, thanks to Last.fm and Slacker Radio. Slacker is very similar to Pandora – you create custom music stations based on songs/artists you like. Again, it’s a great way to find new artists.

The difference, to  me, is that I think Slacker puts together a more organic sounding mix based on my selection. They put songs together that I’d never think to put together, but once I hear them together they click and make sense. Love, love, love.

Plus, I can select from musical genre stations. Sure, there’s your typical “80’s, 90’s, and Today” station, but I can choose from Reggae or Blues or any number of genres I want to hear. The only caveat is the occasional 15-second commercial (unless you buy the premium subscription, but it’s not required).

I can even listen to stand-up comedy. For instance, Steven Wright. Creates a comedy station just for me. Nice.

Great sound that streams via WiFi.

SoundHound – $4.99

How many times have you heard a song on the radio, or in someone’s car, and wondered who sings it? Look no further.

Load up SoundHound, tap the TAP HERE button, and let your phone listen to that song. SoundHound is remarkably accurate and should have your song for you in a matter of seconds. You can even hum or sing a song yourself and get results!

From there, you can Bookmark a song, Share it (Email, Twitter, Facebook), and even Buy it. It also looks up the lyrics for you, and corresponding Youtube videos.

GREAT app that will never leave my iPhone. I was lucky enough to get it for free way back when, but again…worth every penny.

Wunder Radio – $6.99

Listen to most any radio station around the world, people. Add in Weather radio, police and fire rescue scanners, accessibility for subscription satellite radio (Sirius/XM), and you have Wunder Radio. Damn cool app.

Find stations based on genre (talk, sports, pop music, new age, rap, etc.) or location (Great Britain, Australia, wherever). Listen to police scanners from your old neck of the woods (provided they’re in the list). Sometimes I tune in to some Dallas radio stations, just to hear the ads for my old hometown. Or British radio, same reason.

Streams great over 3G or WiFi.

There you have it…great apps to help you stay in touch with your favorite music, maybe even find some amazing NEW stuff to listen to.

You’re welcome. How about you? Have any fave music apps on your iPhone or iPod Touch?

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I’m often asked what apps are on my iPhone, and love turning people onto new ones. This time, I think I’ll do a quick rundown on 5 games I’m currently playing. These are some of my faves right now, though I have many others.

1. Plants vs. Zombies. Currently $2.99.

Popcap, responsible for other great games such as Bookworm, Peggle, and Bejeweled 2, comes out with their version of the tower defense game. Better yet, it involves zombies, one of my favorite game themes.

You start slow, of course. You’re defending your house from the zombie apocalypse and it begins in your front yard, which is divided into a grid. In each patch of lawn you can plant a, well, plant. Different plants have different abilities…some offensive, some defensive. After each successful level, you earn a new plant (ability).

For instance, the peashooter – that green plant in the top left of the screenshot above – shoots one pea in a straight line. You’ll need it to take down the zombies. A sunflower generates extra sunlight, which you need to purchase new plants. There are cherry bombs, which blow up all the zombies in a good-sized radius. Or there are magic mushrooms…when a zombie touches one, it becomes hypnotized to fight FOR you and attacks other zombies. LOTS of different plants.

When you build up enough plants in your arsenal, you’ll be asked to choose which 6 (or more) varieties you want to use for the upcoming level. Like so. This is where the real strategy starts to come into play. You don’t get access to ALL the plants you’ve earned, you have to pick the ones you can use each level.

Very addicting game that ramps up in difficulty at a decent pace. Some levels are in the day time, some are at night (which provides a whole new playing dynamic, since there’s no sunlight but what you generate with plants).

This one will have you playing at least 15 minutes longer than you planned on. I’ve played a lot of tower defense games (Fieldrunners and StarDefense both rock), and this is my current fave. Brings new life to tower games, in fact.

2. Moxie. Currently on sale for 99 cents.

There’s a free version you can try before you buy, but if you like word games, I think you’re gonna find it a worthy $1 to spend.

It’s a very simple game. You make words, placing one letter tile at a time. And you make new words by altering words you’ve already played. For instance, the word “pig” above…it WAS “pin,” then I got a “G” and made “pig.” On and on the game goes.

You score points for each word you play. Like in Scrabble or Words With Friends, different letters score different points. The “V” has a 5-point value, whereas an “A” only has a value of 1. And the longer the word, the more points you score. If I got an “S” above, I could make “pigs” by placing the “S” after the “G.”

You’re thinking it’s too easy, right? Heh. Well, if you place a letter and do NOT form a legit word, you get a Twaddle, which LOSES you points. Plus, you can get Moxies, which happen when you make a word that happens to be on the Moxie Word List. I’m playing the Animal list in the above game, so “hen” and “pig” both scored me Moxies, worth an extra 100 points.

You start looking for possible chains. I could make the word “dog” and get 100 points…then, if I get an “H,” form the word “hog,” that’s another 100 points. Course, if you make a 5-letter Moxie, that’s 300 points.

The one thing Moxie lacks is the ability to challenge friends. But no matter, this is one of my favorite games, anyway. It’s casual, there’s no time pressure, and you can save your game at any point and come back where you left off.

Awesome.

3. Paradise Quest. Currently $1.99.

Free version available here, too. And again, I’m pretty sure you’ll want to buy the full version after playing.

This is a match-3 game like you haven’t played before. Far more addicting than Bejeweled, Paradise Quest adds a new twist: as you make matches, the board moves up, down, left, or right, depending on where you match the 3 tiles. It’s hard to describe.

Let’s say I match three tiles near the top of the board. Then the whole board scrolls down and I can match tiles that were out of view a moment before. This means you’re making matches in certain areas of the board in order to navigate toward the “frozen” tiles and amulet pieces you’re trying to get to.

That square sun tile in the center of those dark brown tiles, that’s one of the goal pieces. You have to make matches to break up the dirt surrounding that amulet piece…then you free the amulet, and can move on to the next piece elsewhere on the board.

There are power ups, and a map you need to navigate (which also helps show you where the amulet pieces are).

See that little gold dot on the map, in the lower right of the rectangle? That’s an amulet piece. The 1/5 in the lower right of the screenshot shows that I’ve got 1 out of the 5 amulet pieces on this level. You can jump around to different portions of the map to expedite grabbing those amulets. There is a time clock, but I have yet to grab all the matches before the clock runs out. And no worries, the game keeps playing if you don’t beat the clock.

You also earn resources as you make matches. Those resources (water, plants, vegetables, etc.) allow you to add new lakes and plants, which in turn brings new wildlife back to the island.

There’s a lot going on in this game, and I think after one level, you’ll be hooked.

4. Flight Control. Currently 99 cents.

Some of the best 99 cents you’ll spend on a game in the iTunes store.

You’re an air traffic controller and the goal is to land as many aircraft as possible. Starts out slowly and ramps up to crazy difficulty levels.

Flight Control is a game that wouldn’t work without the touch-screen of the iPhone and iPod Touch. You tap an aircraft, then trace a path between it and the appropriate runway. Once you do, the aircraft turns white and you’ll see the thin white path it’s flying along to its runway.

There are red planes, yellow planes, and blue helicopters, each with different traits and speeds. Match the red planes to the red runway, etc. And you’ve got to make sure that all the flight paths don’t criss-cross into planes colliding…because that’s GAME OVER.

You can select from four different airfields…the aircraft carrier is a real bitch. Highly addicting, great fun. And you can play your own music while playing, too. I’ve lost a lot of hours on this game.

5. Air Assault. Currently FREE.

This one is from Snakehead Software, run by a friend of mine from high school. Fun shoot-em-up game that gets pretty hairy and keeps you coming back for more.

You’re defending against enemy troops in Afghanistan, both in the air and on the ground. Two different weapon types – machine guns (for aircraft and parachuting troops) and mortars (for those ground troops trying to blow you away).

Wherever you place your finger is where you shoot. But don’t think it’s an easy game just because the game mechanics are simple. You have to switch back and forth between machine gun and mortar, sometimes rapidly. Timing is everything.

One of the newer games on my iPhone, I keep coming back to this one because I can play a few levels in pretty short order. Give it a shot, it’s FREE, and last I checked, it was ranked #2 in the iTunes store for free games.

There you have it…five games to check out for your iPhone and iPod Touch. And if you lose track of time, and family and friends are bitching at you for disappearing, don’t come blaming me.

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I’m in the hospital… again, visiting my FIL. It has been almost every day for a month. My FIL is doing so-so, but he is very strong, combatting pneumonia, a broken hip, a heart attack, among other ailments.

Sophia was supposed to go to the hospital today instead of me, but now she and her mother are fighting with each other because of the stress.

I also have a project that I am writing that I am neglecting, which is causing me to hide from certain phone calls. I’m a little mad at myself because, in theory, a writer should be able to write anywhere. I just don’t find the ICU waiting room a pleasant place to write a comedy.

I’m feeling a bit depressed over everything, and I’m having a difficult time shaking it. That is why I am writing my first blog post ON my iPhone (how cool!) to ask you for your help.

I have heard that the best way out of a depressed feeling is to focus on someone or something other than yourself. That is why I though some of you might email me a jpg of a cute woman you might find on the Internet. Make the photo safe for work, but it is fine if the woman is in lingerie, jeans, evening gown, or a bathing suit. I think this will greatly cheer me up as i sit in the hospital with sickness surrounding me.

Of course, I could just go online and find my own photos of women, but it would mean so much more if it came from you as a gift, from your heart. I am also curious to see your choice! I prefer brunettes, but I do like blondes and redheads as well. All sizes and shapes and colors are welcome

Thank you for helping.

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