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Yesterday, a friend went home. After almost a year here, Hilly is driving back to California, another chapter in her life over.

A year or two ago, I argued that you can't learn something from everyone. I think I've grown a bit as a person since then, and I'm not ashamed to admit that maybe I was wrong. (Although, nobody tell her. She'll be insufferable.) I revise my earlier opinion to say that you should always be able to take something away from your interaction with any person. And Hilly's just not any person – she's a force to be reckoned with. I'm going to miss her, and I hope that the next leg of journey gives her some of the happiness and deep deep dicking towards which she's been striving. In the meantime, all I have to remember her are the things I've learned (well, that and all the household stuff she gave me and the mattress and box spring):

• The word "douche" is very versatile and can be used in any capacity. For example, you could say "That douchetastic douchey douchecock needs to go douche his motherdouchin' ass."
• When you have people who are important to you, you can love them without having to defend every thing they do.
• Life is America.
• It takes buckets of strength to live alone for the first time in many years without falling apart.
• Splash Mountain should be ridden over and over again.
• There is a right way and a wrong way to take a photo of yourself.
• The sound of a vibrator will bring your cat running.
• There's no such thing as too far to drive for a good sandwich.
• You can be almost 40 and have the heart and soul of a 20 year old.
• Everything in California is more awesome than anything in shitty Florida. (Except the economy and earthquakes, but shhhh. Oh, and of course, me and Britt and Faiqa.)
• You know it's funny when someone snorts.

I hear her cry out late at night. She should be sleeping as bed time was at least three hours prior. I rush to her room, like a masculine Ms. Clavelle and as I open the door I see her tear-stained face clutching her stuffed kitty as she cries.

I quickly approach and begin to stroke her sweaty, matted hair. I ask her what’s wrong, expecting her to tell me she had a bad dream. Or maybe she has to go to the bathroom. Instead, through her sobs, she exlaims, “I don’t wanna go to school!”

And there it is.

Ever since we began talking about preschool - a real preschool and not the in-home preschool/daycare they go to now, I sensed that Swee’Pea has been scared about going. She is a worrier, that little one. She turns things over in her head and thinks about it until there’s nothing left to do but cry in the night.

I comfort her with soft caresses and I whisper, “It’s okay to be a little scared, Swee’Pea. It’s normal to feel scared about trying something new. But you know what? When you try it anyway, you feel so much better.”

A few more words of comfort and some gentle goodnight kisses is enough to send her back to sleep. And the next day we talk about how we want her to talk to Mommy and Daddy whenever she’s scared because using our words to talk about what scares us makes us feel better so we don’t cry in the middle of the night.

Swee’Pea agreed to talk to us but ever since I haven’t been able to get my own words out of my mind. When you confront things that scare you, it makes everything better. And then I think of all the fearful things that reside in the pit of my stomach that keep me from reaching my full potential. And my words suddenly felt hollow.

How can I look my daughter in the eye, encourage her to confront things that scare the bejeezus out of her, and not do the same myself? I have always promised myself that not only would I never lie to my children but I will always try to be the best role model I can be. So it has to start with me.

Since it’s fairly close to the new year, I’m going to call this a resolution. I resolve to look fear in the eyes and kick it’s ass in 2010. No longer will that nervous pit in my stomach overrule what I know needs to be done. No longer will I procrastinate because the idea of doing something makes me sweat. No longer will fear hold me back and keep me from realizing all that I can be. And no longer will I feel like a hypocrite when I look into my daughter’s eyes and tell her that trying will help the fear go away.

Fear can suck it.

21. Thank your teachers. They laid the foundation to your future success.
22. Learn to play a musical instrument. Everyone wishes they knew how to play the piano or the guitar.
23. Maintain your car. Change the oil, rotate the tires, get scheduled tune-ups. Your car will last much longer.
24. Don’t let fear stand in the way of your dreams. Fear is a wasted emotion.
25. Learn to say “I’m sorry.” Apologizing helps make it better.
26. Find a mentor. If someone is where you want to be, seek that person out and learn.
27. Learn CPR and First Aid. You never know when you could need it.
28. Surround yourself with people smarter than you. Be confident in that others brilliance shines brightly on you.
29. There is no such thing as “get rich quick.” Success comes from talent and hard work. Period.
30. Become an organ donor. Your last gift will save others.
31. Always make sure you take time for yourself. You can’t give to others when your tank is on empty.
32. At work, dress for the next position you want. If you look like you belong, superiors will take notice.
33. Stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Correct injustices when you encounter them.
34. Don’t take yourself too seriously. You can count on the fact that 10 years from now you will laugh at your current hairstyle and clothes.
35. Love with abandon. Holding back when in love doesn’t honor how rare love can be.
36. Give blood regularly. Every blood donation can help three others.
37. If someone offers you a breath mint, take it. There might be a reason it’s being offered.
38. Be humble. Nobody falls harder than the one who thinks he can’t fall.
39. Admit when you’re wrong. It certainly won’t be the last time so get used to it.
40. Don’t assume. It only makes an ass out of you and… well, just you.

In a week and a half I’ll be 38 years old. I like this age. I’m old enough to have gained some experience but not too old so that I can’t benefit from that experience. And, as I think of all I’ve learned, I realize that I want to pass some of this wisdom down to my children. So over the next few weeks I plan on completing 101 Words of Wisdom for my children.

1. Say “Please” and “Thank you.” Being grateful for what comes your way will keep you grounded.
2. Honor your elders. They paved the way for all that you have today.
3. Always include time for exercise in your life. In the end, your health is all you have.
4. Don’t waste time worrying about what others think. A very wise Doctor once said, “Those who mind, don’t matter. And those that matter, don’t mind.” (Dr. Seuss)
5. Eat sweets in moderation. Short-term pleasure doesn’t out weigh long-term consequences.
6. Be generous with compliments. They are the real currency of life.
7. Don’t worry about money. Never spend what you don’t have and you’ll be fine.
8. Plan for the future. Learn to balance short-term and long-term goals.
9. Laugh often. Nothing is more therapeutic than laughing out loud.
10. When meeting someone for the first time, always stand and shake their hand. First impressions count.
11. Never let anything come between you and your sibling. Family bonds will see you through the toughest of times.
12. Give to charity. Devoting Time, Treasure or Talent in helping others less fortunate is a great reward.
13. Never stop learning. When you think you know it all, you don’t.
14. Take time to play with kids. They keep you young.
15. Learn to write well. The power of the written word can topple regimes and warm hearts.
16. Always use your turn signal. It’s like saying “excuse me” when stepping in front of someone.
17. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Your integrity is one of your most important assets.
18. Eat a piece of fresh fruit once a day. If you’re living in California, you have no excuse.
19. Call your mother. She worries about you.
20. Call your father. He misses you when you’re not around